Chapter Nine: How to stay in a guilt-free and healthy relationship

Human beings, no matter how distant, are not isolated, but interconnected and dependent of each other because the relationships they maintain echo their own personal relationships. 

Our external relationships and our internal relationships, in this case, seem different somehow because we look at them through different lenses.

How many times have we seen movies or have read books that show characters that literally fight with their own ego?

These mediums somehow cleverly “mirror” our own tendencies to maintain or destroy relationships by presenting the same person battling against his or her “dark side.”

Because our relationships include what we think of that person and vice-versa, we complicate them further by imagining what the other person thinks. Ultimately, we become used to the paranoia inherent in such mental exercise(s).

In many instances, although our relationships exist in a surreal and objective reality, we ignore a fundamental and objective viewpoint that might come from either side. This is how we have always viewed our relationships: through the lens of our own consciousness (Pavlina, 2007). 

Truths that may determine the nature of our relationships with other people whom we have either ignored, abused, or hurt, become even clearer, that, any situation where we play out our roles is meant to be not a hell but a purgatory, a place where salvation could still be possible.

As our lives and relationships progress, we each discover a defining sin for each of us. Each faces the truth of an unbearable love, that, unless we reform our attitudes towards each other, we are locked in a relationship hell forever; and hell, according to some, is other people.

The “hell” we create, moreover, is arranged to fit our own sins and shortcomings with each other; and the only way we can ever see ourselves clearly is when we look deep into another’s eyes.

Learning to treat partners with love, kindness, and devotion is the key that opens the lock that imprisons us; but as we are encrusted in a series of habits, we fail to change ourselves. 

Hence, for some of us, change is difficult. Initially, it might seem troublesome to consider this suggestion because one can never hope to gain a truly accurate, 100% objective understanding of relationships unless one is willing to change.

Finally, the likely outcome, for a relationship that does not consider the importance of changing actions, is an unending frustration, which leads us to create our own circle of hell that may never allow us to break free.*

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